Parenting In Light of Eternity

Parenting in light of eternity

“How 936 Pennies Will Forever Change the Way You Parent,” a thought-provoking blog post, floated around the Christian parenting sphere for a time.  I found it well worth the time I spent reading it.  The author made a great point:  we have approximately 936 weeks to spend with our babies before they turn 18.  Are we spending those pennies (weeks) wisely?

Something struck me as I read through the article, though, something I wish the writer had pointed out.

We aren’t promised 936 weeks.  We aren’t even promised tomorrow.

I know countless parents who have lost children long before the offspring’s 18th birthdays.  If putting 18 years into perspective by viewing them as a penny a week is intended to inspire us to better parenting, should we not also consider the fact that only the Lord knows the number of each one’s days?

Every day with our little ones is precious.  We’re not promised that we’ll have 18 years – or even 18 days – to parent them.  How would keeping this perspective change our parenting habits?

While I don’t want to waste time worrying about what the future holds, Scripture reminds us to number our days so that we may apply our hearts to wisdom (Ps. 90:12).  Next to marriage, I know of no other situation in life that requires wisdom more than child rearing!

If I knew that I only had, say, 12 years – or 624 pennies – to parent one of my spark plugs, what would I be doing differently than I currently am?  Would I change my approach?  My actions?  My responses?

I know that, for starters, I would want to spend more time with a child whose days were numbered.  I would want to be more patient, to be more creative, to do more reading aloud.  I would want to get down on the ground and push toy cars along a track.  I would want to spend time teaching him the truths of God’s Word, reminding him to place his confidence in the only One Who cared enough for him to die on a cross in his place.  I would want to take a million photos a day, trying to capture as many memories as possible.

If those are the things I would do if I knew that our time together was coming to a close, why am I not incorporating these things right now?  The fact is that I don’t know that my time is not limited.  I don’t know my own lifespan.  I don’t know those of my children, either.

While I am not at all worried about losing a child and am content to trust the future to the One who knows what lies ahead, I do think it a good thing to take time now and then to re-evaluate how I’m raising these spark plugs to see if I need to change my approach.

In some areas, I truly believe that Jon and I are doing well.  We daily spend time in God’s Word with the kids.  We pray for them every night, specifically that they will each grow up to love and serve the Lord.  I’m improving on spending individual time with each child and am attempting to quicken my response when one of them needs me.

There are many other areas where I have great room for improvement, and I know that as I work toward strengthening my weaknesses, I will invariably lose traction on my current strengths.  The pendulum of life simply swings back and forth, and I will never be able to do all things well this side of Heaven.  I’m perfectly okay with that.  I may not be able to impeccably execute my responsibility as a parent, but I know that the Holy Spirit is working in both me and my spark plugs and is filling out each of our weaknesses.  It is a beautiful testimony to His perfection.

I don’t know how many pennies each spark plug has left.  I’m thankful for the ones we’ve already spent together and pray that we have many more ahead.  I’ll keep praying for wisdom to raise them, reading and memorizing Scripture with them, and snapping pictures as often as I remember to take out the camera.

I don’t need to know the future.  I only need to be faithful for the days that I’m given with them, whether that’s 936 weeks or 936 seconds.

Your turn:  How has thinking about Eternity affected your parenting?  In what areas are you excelling?  In what areas are you hoping to improve?

Parenting in light of eternity

Of Mites and Men

Just before Christmas last year, someone gave Jon a very expensive video game console.  Since we weren’t sure what we were going to give the kids, we kept the gaming system a secret, wrapped it up, and presented them with a very costly gift that we would not have been able to provide them with had we not been given it by someone else.  Jon and I were thrilled to be able to do this and exchanged knowing looks and winks in the days leading up to the 25th.

Around the same time, the kids started clamoring about what they were going to give us.  Soon, some oddly-wrapped boxes appeared under the tree with our names scrawled across the top in their handwriting.  I didn’t stop to think much about what was actually in the boxes.  The kids usually draw pictures for us on special occasions, and if I’m really truthful, I didn’t think that a few pencil scratches on a crumpled piece of lined paper could compare to the extravagant gift that we were reserving for them.

Christmas morning dawned with excitement, and we enjoyed a special homemade breakfast while we watched the Jesus movie, a tradition we’ve been doing for several years now.  When it came time to unwrap gifts, the kids were delighted with the video game set, just as we had anticipated.

What caught me off guard, however, were the little gifts that they had worked on so diligently for us.  In the first box (there were several), they had placed a small, heart-shaped pillow with the words, “I Love You” stitched on the front.  The pillow had come off of a hand-me-down stuffed red devil, of all things, that a sweet-but-misguided neighbor thought the kids would want.  I had assumed that the pillow had also made a departure when we had passed along the stuffed toy, but the kids had swiped it and saved it for just this moment.

In the next boxes, each of the spark plugs had given 2 dollars of their hard-earned money to Jon and me so that we could, in their words, use it toward our then-unfinished business app.  For children who receive a dollar a week, half of which they either contribute to their savings or toward giving, the thought of them willingly and excitedly giving us the equivalent of three-months-worth of their net income was incredibly humbling.

The last box contained the anticipated scribbles and pictures, but somehow after seeing their creativity and selflessness, they meant a lot more to me than I had originally expected them to.

While we eventually convinced them that we should use their precious gift to splurge on a family serving of frozen yogurt, a rare-but-loved-by-all treat in our family, this was one of my most treasured memories to date.  I had thought that our gift to them could never top their gift to us simply because ours had cost (someone else) a substantially greater financial sum.

I was very grateful to be wrong!

Day 31: Conclusion

Dear Little Princess,

I have enjoyed writing this 31-day series more than you’ll ever know.  I often felt as though my posts were poorly written, uninspiring, or redundant, but I chose to post them anyway, because I had set out to finish this difficult challenge.

There were many setbacks during this series.  We house-sat for Grammie and Papa.  Two nasty viruses hit.  We moved.  I accidentally left my computer at Gramma’s house the last week of the challenge and had to type posts on my phone, a borrowed tablet, and Daddy’s computer when I could sneak in a few minutes while he wasn’t using it.  I ran out of time to make pretty visuals for the last several posts, and I’m sure that there are many spelling and grammar mistakes thanks to autocorrecting on my phone.  (I’ll eventually go back and clean everything up once I get my computer back.)

Most frustrating to to me was that I seemed to give opposing advice in many of the posts, and the overall tone came across much darker and pessimistic than I wanted it to.  I really do love life and find great satisfaction and enjoyment in where the Lord has me right now.

All that aside, though, I know the Lord can use this series for your good and His glory. That’s why I finished it even though it wasn’t perfect.  I did it because I love you and because I want what’s best for you.  God can take all of my ramblings and turn them into something beautiful.

I love you, Little Princess, and if you get nothing else out of this series, know that I will never stop loving you or praying for you.  In conclusion, my heartfelt desire for you is that you learn what is good: to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God (Micah 6:8).

All my love,

Mommy

Day 30: Learn to be Gracious

Dear Little Princess,

One of my biggest struggles in life has been learning to be gracious.  Whether I’m talking to Daddy, you and the boys, or complete strangers, graciousness is not my natural response.  I would dearly love to have a soft answer and gracious reply, but it’s something that I am going to have to work at for the rest of my life.

I hope you can learn about graciousness from me – not from my good example, but from my poor one.  You know how frustrating it is when I am not sweet in my response to you.  You know that a kind word is so much better than a harsh one.  I know that, too, but all too often I get impatient and snap at people instead of speaking gently.

I am finding that the more I pray about and read about giving a soft answer, the more the Lord helps me.  When I get too busy to spend quality time cultivating graciousness, that’s when I really start to stumble.

I also struggle to be patient and kind with people who, in my mind, don’t deserve grace.  What I’m forgetting, though, is that none of us deserves God’s grace, and yet He gave us grace anyway.  When I remember that I am undeserving, I am better able to give gentleness to others.  The Holy Spirit helps me in this.

People today are less deserving than ever of God’s grace, but they are also in need of it more than ever before.  By showing grace when it is undeserved, you will be setting a beautiful example for others all while encouraging them to do the same.  You may even be giving a silent witness to the working of the Spirit in your life, and perhaps someone will come to know Christ as a result of your good conduct.

We can work together and pray for each other to be more gracious in our speech and conduct.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 29: Learn to be Adventurous

Dear Little a Princess,

I find it a little ironic that I don’t care for the flavor of vanilla, because I lead a very “vanilla” life.  I do the same things every day.  I order the same dishes when we eat out and rarely venture outside of my comfort zone.  I crave routine and sameness.  I’m happy in my simplicity, but I sometimes wonder what I’ve missed out on because I wasn’t brave enough to be adventurous and step out of my comfort zone.

Thankfully, you seem to be more adventurous than I am.  A little spontaneity is a good thing!  While I want you to be able to discern between being adventurous and being dangerous, I hope you are brave enough to try a new meal or activity.

Auntie Kay has certainly been willing to try new things.  Because of her boldness, she has gotten to visit Italy and Mexico.  She earned a challenging law degree and has gone on many weekend adventures.  (However, I’m not sure that her skydiving experience is something I want you to repeat.)  I love her adventurous spirit, and we both can learn a lot from her.

Certain seasons in life will be better suited to adventure than others.  Auntie Kay does not yet have a family of her own.  Now is the time for her to do her traveling and skydiving.  For me, I had got married and started a family very early in life.  Right now, it’s a good time for me to live my vanilla life.  Daddy, your brothers, and you need me to be stable and dependable, and a routine is just what we need.  If the Lord gives me more years after you are all grown up, perhaps I’ll be brave enough to order a brand-new entree or travel to Ireland.  For now, I’m happy being your mommy, and I’ll find my adventure in trying new ways to teach you and your brothers.  (I also cut my hair today for the first time in over four years, so I’m really living on the edge right now!)

So, Little Princess, if your life situation permits, be a little adventurous.  Enjoy some flavor in your life, and experience new things.  I think you’ll find that you love it.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 28: Find A Church Home

Dear Little Princess,

Finding a good church home is absolutely necessary for your walk with the Lord.  Daddy and I have tried to model faithfulness in church attendance for you and your brothers.  Serving the church body is a fantastic way to be the hands and feet of Jesus for other believers, and it also sets an example to the unsaved.  Even more than that, the Bible commands us not to neglect assembling together with other believers (Hebrews 10:25).

As good and necessary as church attendance is for spiritual growth, never forget that church attendance does not save you.  Nothing we do can ever earn our salvation, not even noble, biblical pursuits such as attending church or reading your Bible.  However, doing these things can lead you to salvation since both will tell you of Jesus’ sacrificial death and resurrection.  And for those already saved, hearing Scripture preached and reading Scripture for yourself can deepen your knowledge of God, it can enrich your faith, and it can encourage you to desire things of the Lord.

If you end up moving a lot in your adult life, finding a solid, Bible-believing church might be hard.  In that case, be as faithful as you can for the time the Lord gives you in a given area.  You can also listen to online sermons from a church you love.  This can offer continuity for the times when you will be between churches.

I truly hope, though, that the Lord will allow you to put down roots in one area and that you can find a church home where you can both grow and serve the Body of believers.  Serving in your local church, praying for the believers there, and learning and growing alongside your Christian brothers and sisters is a fantastic way to enjoy community and promote fellowship.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 27: Find A Mentor

Dear Little Princess,

I love this time while you’re little.  I get to teach you to read.  I get to share the Bible with you.  I get to see your eyes light up over a math concept that you’ve just mastered.  Shepherding you brings me so much joy.

As you grow older, though, I would encourage you to seek out an older lady in your church to mentor you further.  I will always be here to listen, help, and guide you as much as possible, but I’m not perfect and still have weak areas.  By getting input, advice, and encouragement from another trusted, Godly woman with some years of experience, you will be a much more rounded young lady.

More importantly, seeking an older woman’s counsel is Biblical (see Titus 2).  She’s experienced a little more of life than you have yet.  She can offer you Biblical counsel for your own spiritual growth, for Biblically responding to your husband, and for raising your children in a Godly manner.  She will spur you on to be more Christlike.

A Christian mentor can make all the difference in maintaining a welcoming atmosphere in your home.  And the best part is that the things you learn from her you can pass down to your own daughters.  I hope that I will do a good job of teaching you much of what she will teach you, but she may be able to show you different ways or say things in a way that helps them stick.

A believing mentor can also be a huge blessing if the Lord leads your family to a new location.  Moving away from friends and family has it’s challenges, to put it mildly.  Finding an anchor to advise you can help you ease into your new situation more quickly.

Of course, moving away from everyone you know won’t make finding a mentor easy.  In the mean time, I’ll only be a phone call away.  Another friend who relocated listened to online podcasts from a trusted older lady to fill in until she found an in-person mentor.  You may have to get creative, but  the Lord will help you to find something that works.

I look forward to watching you grow and branch out.  I hope and pray that, eventually, you will be the one to mentor other younger women.  What a blessing that would be!

All my love,

Mommy

Day 26: Develop A Love of Reading

Dear Little Princess, One of best gifts in life is the ability to read.  The world would be a lonely place without the companionship of books!  Reading can unlock worlds of imagination and untold amounts of information.  Developing an early love of reading is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Even when life gets busy, making reading a priority will pay off in big dividends.  Crystal Paine from MoneySavingMom.com shares how she makes time for reading no matter what season of life she's in.  Here are my recommendations for developing a love of reading:

Spend time reading every day.  Five minutes consistently is much better than a few haphazard reading marathons every couple of months.  I’d recommend starting your reading times with a passage of Scripture and then moving on to informative or pleasure reading.

Invest in a few quality books.  These either can be classics or newer writings on topics that appeal to you.  Purchasing used books in good condition is an excellent way to keep your book investment to a minimum while enjoying a varied library selection.

Although e-readers are quite popular now, I’ve found that I personally retain more when I read from physical, not digital, pages.  E-readers definitely have their place – they’re excellent to take to long appointments where you might need a variety of books but don’t have room to take a large stack of hard-bound books.

Place books around your home so that you have easy access to them.  Once you sit down to relax on the couch, you may opt not to get up to go get a book.  If one or two are already handy on the end table, though, you can sneak in a few minutes of leisure reading without any added effort.

If you want to get more involved in reading, book clubs can be wonderful.  I joined one a few years ago and loved meeting with the other ladies to discuss our chosen books.  Not only did the reading group get me out of the house a few times a month, it also encouraged me to actively read so that I would stay up with the group.  Additionally, I read books that I would not have chosen otherwise, and I discovered some new gems of literature.

A love of reading can greatly enrich your life.  There are no limits to what you can learn through books.  Maybe you’ll even want to become an author yourself some day!

All my love,

Mommy

Day 25: Learn to Forgive Yourself

Dear Little Princess,

In addition to forgiving others, you need to learn to forgive yourself.  Although not everyone has a hard time with forgiving themselves, this struggle is common enough that I wanted to address it.

It’s easy to fall into the unbiblical belief that we’ve sinned too greatly to be used by God or that God cannot or will not forgive us.  But I want you to know that nothing you can do or have done is too much for God to forgive.  Consider the example of the Apostle Paul.  He had Stephen killed; he persecuted followers of Christ; he was an evil man before he was saved.  Far from preventing God from using him, Paul’s former life kept him humble and enabled him to do mightily things for the furtherance of the gospel.

This doesn’t mean that you should go out and deliberately sin just so that you can relate to other people who have fallen into similar temptation (Paul addresses that issue in one of his letters to the Early Church), but it does mean that we serve an incredible God who not only forgives the most wretched sinner but Who can use our broken lives for our good and His glory.

If we cannot forgive ourselves, it means that we actually do not believe that God can or will forgive us.  It means that we have a too-small view of God’s power.  Chances are also good that we are dwelling too much on ourselves and our sin.  It’s good for us to think about and learn from our sins and mistakes, but dwelling excessively on them is actually a form of selfishness, because it means that we are thinking about ourselves the too much and about the Lord too little.

If you find yourself struggling to forgive yourself, Little Princess, start by praying.  Thank the Lord for His goodness.  Praise Him for His greatness.  Dwell on His mercy.  Read the Scripture passages on Christ’s death and resurrection.  Read about His tenderness toward the people to whom He ministered.  The more you focus on the Savior and the less you focus on yourself, the easier it will be to forgive yourself and to move on in your spiritual walk.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 24: Learn to Forgive Others

Dear Little Princess,

Because we live in a fallen world, you will have numerous opportunities to forgive others.  At times, people around you will do small things that irritate you.  You can choose to overlook the small offenses in love, or you can make a mountain out of a molehill and grow needlessly irritated.  I would always encourage you to seek to cover the offense.

Truthfully, you may find that forgiving little issues seems easy.  But I want you to remember that we cannot forgive anyone’s offenses, small or great, outside the working of the Holy Spirit.  It is only through our Heavenly Father’s example of forgiving us of our sins that we can hope to forgive others.  This is an extremely important point.

While I hope and pray that you never have to do this, I know plenty of Christian women who have had to forgive spouses, parents, or siblings of very serious sins.  Even if you find it easy to forgive small matters, sins of unfaithfulness and other deep issues will seem impossible.  And they are impossible to forgive without the Holy Spirit.  Remember, no one has been sinned against more than Christ, and yet He willingly forgave us of all our wrongdoing.  Because of His forgiving us, we can then forgive others.

This doesn’t mean that once all is forgiven, we’ll never have to deal with the consequences.  Christ forgave us, but we still have to live in this fallen world.  Forgiveness also does not mean that trust will be immediately restored.  But it is the first step toward restoration.

If we can learn to forgive as Christ has forgiven us, Little Princess, we will be setting examples for unbelievers and for future generations.  We cannot do it in our own strength, but what is impossible for us is possible with God.  Remember, you never know who is watching you. Your willingness to forgive might spur on someone else to follow your example.

Even if no one else sees you forgive, God does, and He will be faithful to help you fully forgive.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 23: Learn to Cook

Dear Little Princess,

The past few letters have been pretty heavy, but today’s letter is of a lighter variety.  I haven’t set a good example for you to follow in the area of culinary expertise, but I want to encourage you to develop a love of cooking.  You don’t need to become a world-class chef unless you want to, but you do need to learn some basic kitchen skills.  Feeding your family will take a lot of your time.  Learning how to cook efficiently can save you a lot of frustration.

There are many resources available today for learning to cook.  Whether you watch cooking shows on television, view kitchen technique videos on YouTube, or enroll in physical culinary classes at a local college, all are ways to gain valuable food prep skills that will serve you well.

You’ve been blessed with three brothers.  Practice your cooking on them.  Boys love to eat and aren’t shy about expressing their opinions.  You’ll quickly learn what they do and don’t like (and you’ll likely develop a thick skin in the process – another great skill to have).

I would recommend polishing up on a week’s worth of breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert recipes.  Use a variety of foods, including allergy-friendly items.  Turbo’s Celiac Disease and diabetes will have already greatly prepared you for learning to tweak regular recipes to better serve someone with special dietary restrictions.

Why is learning to cook decently important?  The Bible has a lot to say about hospitality.  By opening up your home to others – and this includes serving edible meals – you also open up the potential of sharing the Gospel.  A satisfied stomach is much more likely than an empty one to receive soul food as well. 

I wish I had learned to cook better than I did, but I’m not a hopeless case, either.  Maybe you and I can learn to cook together.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 22: Why God Allows Suffering

Dear Little Princess, Because God’s Word tells us that suffering will come at some point in our lives, yesterday’s letter was about learning to suffer well.  You might be wondering, though, why a loving God allows us to suffer, especially when we’re trying to obey Him, do good, and live a Godly life?  Is our Heavenly Father really loving at all if He permits us to go through hardship?

Suffering is no fun, not for anyone.  It’s not fun for God, either.  But He allows suffering in our lives because, according to James 1, the testing of our faith results in patience.  We need to learn patience, and trials and testing help produce patience.

I’ve personally learned that during times of suffering and hardship, I pray much more than I ever do during times of peace and prosperity.  For me, suffering reminds me of just how dependent I am upon the Lord, something I often forget when life is going well.  I need those uncomfortable times lest I forget that I am not in control.

Trials also help us as Christians to remember that our Earthly home is truly temporary.  If we’re so comfortable here that we forget to focus on Heaven and Eternity, we have lost sight of what is most important.  We cannot forget that Eternity with Christ is our ultimate goal, not to make our life here as comfortable as possible.

There are many writers who have much more eloquently expressed God’s purpose in allowing suffering.  Joni Eareckson Tada’s book A Place of Suffering, her pamphlet God’s Hand in Our Hardship, and C.S. Lewis’ book The Problem of Pain are some of the most recommended reading on God’s love and our hardship.

Most of all, we need to remember that whatever God allows us to go through – whether trials or blessings – He does so for our good and His glory.  We might not be able to see how something will benefit us or how He derives glory from it.  We simply need to trust that when He says it’s for His glory and our good, He is truthful.  We may see later on how something that first seemed like a curse is also a blessing, or it may not be until Heaven that we fully understand why He permitted something in our lives.  But we do know that He is God and that He is good.  There is great comfort in that.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 21: Learn to Suffer Well

Dear Little Princess,

Earlier this year, I read a fantastic article about looking for a spouse.  It’s true that we’re admonished to choose a Godly mate, someone who meshes well with our unique personalities, and someone who treats us and others well.  But how often are we encouraged to look for someone who suffers well?

We can take this advice even closer to home:  how often are we challenged to suffer well ourselves?  God never promises us a comfortable life.  He doesn’t promise us tomorrow.  He does promise to be with us through every step of our Earthly journey, and He warns us that there will be tough times (see James 1).  Since we know that suffering is coming, Little Princess, I want you to learn to suffer well.

I’m learning that there are two distinct types of suffering in a marriage:  suffering when you yourself are ill, and suffering through the illness of a spouse.  With Daddy and me, I’ve had occasional, acute suffering with minor infections.  Although I feel pretty miserable for about 24 hours, my illnesses have never lasted much longer than a day or two.  Daddy suffers chronically with his CSF leak.  The two weeks when he was recovering from his first major operation were some of the hardest weeks I’ve been through (Turbo’s diagnosis was also pretty rough).

I feel truly horrible when I’m sick, and I don’t handle illness well at all.  I’m grouchy and snappy, and I’m sure no one likes being around me.  But taking care of a sick spouse is miserable in a completely different way.  It adds a layer of stress unlike anything else in life.  In some ways, I almost think it’s worse than being sick myself, not because Daddy gets grumpy like I do, but just because he’s not able to help share the rewarding burden of caring for our family.

More than likely, either you, your husband, or one of your children will experience a health crisis at one time or another.  Whether it’s something short-lived or a long ordeal, you will need to learn how to suffer gracefully.  It won’t be easy.  It won’t be fun.  But the Lord can use that situation to help you become more like Himself.  He will use that hardship for His glory.

We cannot, on our own strength, suffer graciously.  But we can learn to suffer well with the Spirit’s help.  

When hardship and illness hit, pray.  Ask the Lord for the grace and mercy to get through each day.   Walk in His strength and not your own.

Read the Word.  Scripture abounds with stories of real-life people who have graciously endured difficult times.  Jesus Christ set the Perfect Example of this when He accepted the bitter cup of the Cross and did so without complaining.

Accept help from others.  It is truly humbling when the Body of Christ comes together to help in times of need.  Humble yourself and accept others’ offers of meals, house cleaning, and childcare.  You’ll have plenty of opportunities to bless them in kind.

Never forget that no matter how difficult your suffering may become, Eternity with Christ will erase all the pain and suffering from your mind.  No matter what, keep your focus on Heaven.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 20: Tomorrow Isn't Promised

Dear Little Princess,

Many years ago, I went to a ladies’ retreat at church.  The speaker (whose name I can’t remember now) shared how her beautiful 5-year-old baby girl was killed in a car accident.  I was only a teenager at the time of the conference and since I didn’t have children of my own yet, I probably wasn't fully aware of the difficulty it must have been for the speaker to share about her loss.  Thinking back now, though, I cannot imagine how terrible it would have been to lose a child like that.  As a mommy, I look forward to watching you grow up.  I pray for you.  I pray for your future husband.  I’m excited to see where you will end up in life.  I just assume that I’ll be able to see you grow into adulthood.

Truthfully, though, none of us is promised tomorrow.  I may not be around to see you mature into a lovely young woman, or you may not live to become an adult.  Those are sobering thoughts that no one wants to think about, but you need to know and understand that God has not promised any of us a tomorrow.

We’re often tempted to put off chores or decisions until tomorrow.  Sometimes, it’s okay to eat from the pantry and wait to run to the store until later in the week, but when it comes to following Christ, you should never wait.  Don’t assume that you’ll be able to start living for Him later on after “enjoying” life first.  You don’t know how long you’ll have to put your complete trust in Him.

I don’t like thinking about the possibility of death.  While I’m not at all afraid to die because I know my sins are forgiven and that I’m trusting in Jesus’ finished work on the Cross to save me, I still don’t enjoy the thought of dying.  But I also know that after the sting of death comes Heaven forever with Christ, and I cannot wait for that reunion.  My wish is that everyone here on Earth would turn to Christ before death and share Eternity with Him just as I will.  I want that for you, too.

And so, even though death is not a pleasant topic, I want to remind you not to wait to put your trust in the Savior.  My hope is that we will both live long lives here on Earth, that I will get to see not only you but your children and children’s children grow up.  Should that not be God’s plan – should I not have a tomorrow – I want to think about Eternity today and remind myself that His ways are not my ways.  They are far better, and when the thought of dying is uncomfortable, I can focus on His goodness and remember that no matter what happens here on Earth, the best is yet to come.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 19: You Can Love Pink When Mommy Loves Purple

Dear Little Princess, As long as I can remember, I've loved purple.  When I was 3 and had to have my heart monitored, the nurse gave me a paper Snoopy dog to take home after the procedure.  "Don't you want a pink one?"  She asked as she gave me the option of either a pink or purple Snoopy.  At the nurse's suggestion, I chose the pink even though purple was my favorite.  I still have that pink Snoopy in my baby book.

Just as I have loved purple, you've always loved pink.  Whether it's pink boots, a pink shirt, or a pink colored pencil, you'll choose pink every time.  I love that you have a favorite color, and I love that you feel confident enough to say you like pink even when I like purple.  I hadn't wanted to disappoint the nurse by choosing purple even though I liked it a lot more than pink.

I hope you'll always feel comfortable enough to voice your preferences and opinions, but I also hope that you'll do so with tact and sensitivity toward those who have different tastes.  God made each of us with different likes, talents, and gifts.  If He'd made us so that we all enjoyed the exact same things, the world would be a pretty boring place!  I'm grateful for the diversity He has instilled in each of us.

The Apostle Paul talks about the different spiritual gifts that the Lord has given to each believer (see 1 Corinthians 12).  Instead of wishing that you had someone else's gifts and talents, be thankful for your own gifts and abilities.  Focus on further developing them for the good of the Body of Christ and for the furtherance of the Gospel.

I love reading other authors' biographies and memoirs.  My favorites are those with a touch of wit.  While I also hope to become a published author some day, I don't have any sense of humor of my own.  Sometimes, I've found myself wishing that I could incorporate funny anecdotes the way my best-loved authors do.  But wishing that I could be like someone else is actually discontentment with the way that God has made me.  I need to remember that He did not make a mistake when He chose to create me without a sense of humor.  He gave me the gifts that perfectly suit my situation in life, and He has also done the same for you.

Be thankful for your strengths, and be happy for others whose talents are different from your own.  Together, we will be much stronger in showing God's love to a lost and dying world than we would had we all been given the same abilities.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 18: Learn to be Flexible

  Dear Little Princess,

You might have noticed that yesterday’s letter was a day late (I later updated the posting time).  When I joined the 31 Days Challenge, the goal was the post every day for the month of October.  I fully intend to get all 31 posts up, but as yesterday proved, they might not go live on the exact day I had hoped.

Does this mean that I failed the challenge?  Perhaps some would say so, but I don’t feel that I’ve failed at all.  Planning in life is good and necessary, but equally needed is having an attitude of flexibility.  Being flexible is not something that comes naturally to me, so it’s something that I really have to work at.

If you can learn to be flexible, to tailor your schedule around life’s experiences and mishaps, to roll with the punches, you’ll be able to enjoy life much more fully.  Many of life’s experiences come at inopportune times.  If we’re so glued to our schedules that we either don’t take full advantage of those experiences or miss them all together, we’ll have become slaves to our routines instead of masters of them.  Schedules, routines, and goals are there to serve as guides.  They should serve us, not the other way around.

I know all of this in my head, but living a flexible life is a huge struggle for me.  I don’t want to set aside my homeschool planner for sick days and spur-of-the-moment field trips.  This past week alone, we ended up moving out of our house a week sooner than planned.  Two different viruses hit our family.  The house movers forgot to come pour the foundation for our new house on time.  Life happens, and we can either take the bumps in stride, or we can rigidly resist and get beaten up in the process.

Grampa engineers buildings for a living.  Sky scrapers need some flexibility worked into their designs or else they would snap in the wind.  If they have some sway built in, however, they can withstand tremendous winds and earthquakes.  We need to be like a well-engineered building so that we don’t topple when one of life’s storms hit.

The best way to weather a storm is to have a firm foundation in Christ Jesus, followed by a willingness to change our plans when needed.  Once again, the Holy Spirit is there to help us keep a positive attitude even when life seems to be spiraling out of our control.  He’s there to remind us that God is in complete control and that we can rest content in His care despite Earthly storms.

Yesterday, life didn’t permit me to get my post sent out on time, and that’s okay.  Serving my family is much more important than making sure that my blog gets attention at regular intervals.  Keep your eyes on Christ, and the important things will come to light while the lesser things grow dim.

All my love,

Mommy

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Day 17: Children Are A Blessing

Dear Little Princess,

As I mentioned earlier, many couples choose to wait several years before starting a family.  As wonderful as it might sound to have some exclusive couple time before having a baby, it’s important to remember that children are a blessing and that life doesn’t always turn out how we expect and plan.  Children should never be viewed as an inconvenience or a burden.  They are God’s gift within marriage.

When Daddy and I were growing up, families of 4 (like mine) were considered to be on the smaller side of average, and families of 6 (like Daddy’s) were only thought to be slightly larger than average.  It wasn’t uncommon to see families with 8 children or more.  Today, I am constantly peppered with reminders of how unusual it is to see a family with four children, especially here in the Bay Area.  I think society has lost sight of the fact that children are a blessing.  In some instances, it almost feels as though kids are viewed as a burden.

Raising children is hard.  You kids have an uncanny way of bringing out my worst flaws.  Your ability to irritate my last nerve is incredible.  And yes, I’ve lost sleep many nights since having children of my own.  But those long nights and frustrating moments pale in comparison to the joy you’ve brought to Daddy and me.  Seeing you smile for the first time, watching Turbo trying a new task, hearing Wing Man graciously helping Turbo with his diabetes…those moments far outstrip the hard times.

But nothing can compare to the joy of seeing moments of spiritual maturity in you and your brothers.  I agree with John:  “I have no greater joy than to hear [or see] that my children are walking in the truth” (3 John 1:4).  This is why we became parents.  This is what we pray for every single night.  This is what raising children is about.

All of that said, I also have to remember that if/when you do grow in Godliness, it is neither Daddy’s nor my doing.  We can plant the seeds, we can water with the Word, we can point you toward Christ, but only God can draw your hearts.  If there were some magical way that we could guarantee that you all would grow up to believe in the Lord, then salvation would be as a result of an outward action on our part rather than by God’s grace.  Works don’t save – not ourselves, and not our children, either.  This is such an important point.

So, Little Princess, if the Lord blesses you with marriage and children, never forget that children are a blessing from God.  Remember that you have an obligation to raise your children in a Biblical manner.  But also remember that you cannot save them.  You can, however, pray fervently for their salvation, which is what Daddy and I pray for every single night.  We need to be faithful to do what God has called us to do, and we know that He will be Faithful and Just.  There is so much security in His Goodness.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 16: On Choosing A Husband

Dear Little Princess,

I love Daddy’s and my love story.  While I do think it is a sweet one, the biggest reason that I love it is because it belongs to us.  We got married when I was 22, which is very young by today’s standards.  We had our first baby just 11 months later, while many (perhaps even most) other couples wait much longer before starting a family.  So far, we have a total of four children, which is considered to be a lot.  The Lord has simply led us down the road less traveled, and we’re very happy with how our life together has turned out.

If you marry, your story likely will be very different from ours.  You may not meet your husband until you are many years older than I was.  Perhaps you’ll struggle with infertility or the loss of a child, two things we’ve not gone through.  You might make wiser financial choices than we have, and maybe you’ll be able to travel or enjoy things at a younger-than-average age.

When you’re old enough to start considering marriage, there are many things that won’t matter much in the long run.  Your husband’s hair and eye color, height, and build won’t have a lot of eternal bearing.  His faith, personality, and character, however, will dramatically influence your marriage, so focus on finding a husband whose faith in the Lord is unshakable, who reacts reasonably to both blessings and trials, and whose personality meshes well with yours.

It might also be tempting to try to find a husband who’s just like Daddy.  Although I think this is admirable, the truth is that Daddy is going to have some years of wisdom on a young man near your age.  Instead of looking for someone just like Daddy, I would recommend that you look for someone with the potential to become like Daddy.  Look for someone with honesty, integrity, and a sense of humor.  Look for someone who desires the things of the Lord and who causes you to grow in your faith.

Be wary of anyone who is overly flattering, who answers his parents or other authorities harshly, or who makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason.  Observe his actions.  Does he follow through on what he says, or does he make grand-sounding suggestions on which he never delivers?  Is he a hard worker?  Is he punctual?  Is he reliable?

Remember that there is no perfect husband aside from Christ’s relationship with the Church.  Men are not mind readers (and neither are women).  It will take time to get to know someone well enough to be reasonably sure that he would make a suitable husband.  Again, look for someone with the potential to develop the qualities that you value.  Be discerning in your choice.  And as you look and wait for the Lord’s timing for marriage, be sure that you are working on your life, too.  Do you have weaknesses or areas where you need to mature?  Don’t ignore your own faults.  Ask the Lord to help you pinpoint and improve on your shortcomings.

No matter whether you marry or stay single, never forget that the Lord should always be your first love.  Focus on Him first, no matter what.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 15: When Daddy Met Mommy (Part 2)

Dear Little Princess,

After spending 3 years attending the same college, Daddy graduated in December of 2002, and I still had a year of study left.  While I was home on Christmas break and Daddy was home for good after graduating, he proposed to me on my 21st birthday.  I had wanted to go to the snow for my birthday (really, what else is there to do when one’s birthday falls on the day after New Year’s?), so my family, along with Daddy, drove up to the town of Strawberry to enjoy an afternoon of tobogganing.

I never would have guessed it by the way Daddy was sliding down the snow trails and wrestling with my brothers, but the entire time we were playing in the snow, he had a diamond ring in his jacket pocket.  It had been overcast the entire day, but at one point in the afternoon, Daddy suggested that he and I walk down to the river for a few minutes.  Even though I was clueless, my entire family knew that he was going to propose and didn’t volunteer to go with us.

Daddy took me down to the water where we admired a snow-covered bridge arching over the riverbed.  We sat down in the snow together, and then, kneeling in front of me, he took the ring box out of his pocket and asked if I would be his bride.  Right as he asked, the sun came out behind the clouds for the first time all day.  It was perfect….and just then a huge clump of snow fell out of a tree and landed on my head, getting me soggy, wet, and cold.  We both had to laugh.

The picturesque weather followed by the dousing of snow adequately sums up our married life.  There have been many beautiful points along the way, but there have been some pretty cold, difficult moments, too.  But even in tough times, God’s grace has been greater than any trial or difficulty.  I want you to know, Little Princess, that no matter what happens in this Earthly life, the future glory of Heaven will be worth it all.  The Bible never promises us a life of ease or wealth here on Earth.  In fact, we’re told to anticipate the trials that are coming.

As hard as some things have been for me, I am so thankful that the Lord gave me Daddy as my companion for those hard times.  I hope and pray that if you get married, your husband will be a wonderful friend and help to you in both times of struggle and times of blessing.

All my love,

Mommy

Day 14: When Daddy Met Mommy (Part 1)

Dear Little Princess,

Love stories can be lots of fun, so I thought I would share how Daddy and I met.  I was just 16 and Daddy 19 when my family started going to the same church that Daddy’s family attended.  We were both kind of shy and never really said much to one another, but I thought he was awfully cute, and he liked my round face.  (He was a little sad when, after Turbo was born, my face thinned out more.)

Since both of our families had lots of kids and we all liked soccer, we started getting together on Saturday mornings for big scrimmages with one another and with another families from church, too.  Our first family soccer game landed on the day I turned 17, but I wouldn’t let my family tell Daddy’s that it was my birthday.  Daddy ended up having to work, so I didn’t get to see him, but we still had a lot of fun.

After a while, Daddy and I felt more comfortable talking with one another, and when he went away to college, we wrote letters back and forth.  For Christmas just before I turned 18, Daddy gave me a pretty gold chain with a square stone pendant.  I still have it.

I didn’t really want to go to the same college that Daddy was attending because I was worried that people who knew us would think that I’d chosen that college only because of him.  But Grandpa gave me some good advice.  He said not to worry about what other people thought and just to do what was best for me.  (That’s excellent advice for any situation in life, Little Princess.  The only Person whose opinion should matter to you is the Lord’s.)  So, based on that, I did go to school with Daddy and his two older brothers that following Fall.  And guess what?  No one cared or thought anything at all about my going with them.  🙂

Daddy, his brothers, and I did almost everything together at school.  I got to know them really, really well (especially Daddy), and I’m grateful for our years at college, even though there were some really hard times back then, too.  We never really dated and never called one another “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” and I’m glad.  There’s nothing wrong with those terms, but it was just easier for us to develop a healthy friendship by avoiding some of the things we chose to skip.  I’m not saying that you need to do everything exactly as we did, but I definitely believe that if the Lord allows you to marry, you and your future husband should be best friends.

I’ll share more of our story tomorrow!

All my love,

Mommy