For the past couple of days, our Wash His Feet challenge assignments have been hard ones - letting him lead and Biblically confronting him. Today’s may well be just as tough:

Forgive him.

Some of us will have a pretty easy time of it today - we have wonderful, Godly spouses who don’t often do things that need to be forgiven and who are quick to seek our forgiveness when they do.

But for others, this assignment is going to be hard. Even among Christian marriages, there are extramarital affairs, secret sins, and other deep-seated issues that aren’t easily forgiven. Sadly, I have seen marriages lost over one spouse’s refusal to forgive the other.

I shared yesterday that I’ve really struggled with speaking up in my marriage (and, really, speaking up in most situations that call for confrontation). I love encouraging people and hate being at odds with anyone, and confronting someone often means risking making someone upset with me.

There will be times in our marriages, however, when the right and Biblical thing is confronting our husbands in love. And that just makes me want to run and hide!

Most women who grow up in church have learned about the Biblical roles where the husband leads and the wife submits. While these are clearly taught in Scripture (see Ephesians 5:21-24 and 1 Corinthians 11:3 if you need a refresher), how to live out these roles can be a little less clear.

In general, I’m a pretty submissive person. I don’t feel so compelled to stick to my personal preferences that I demand my own way. Even so, I still find it difficult at times to submit to Jon’s leadership! I can only imagine that letting your husband lead is even more difficult for those of you who are more dominant and feel strongly about your own preferences.

Have you ever wanted to attend a marriage conference or go on one of those marriage cruises? I know that in the past, I’ve felt bad that Jon and I have never gotten to participate in one of these kinds of events.

Before we get into today’s assignment, I’m going to share a bit of a bombshell here: I don’t think conferences and cruises about marriage are necessary for a happy, Godly marriage. Bigger bombshell: I even think these things can, at times and in certain situations, be detrimental.

In the King James Version of Genesis 2:18, we read, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” The term “help meet” isn’t widely used today, but the concept (according to Google) is that God created a helper for Adam who was suitable for him.

I’m rather intrigued by the thought that Eve was specially created by God to be Adam’s suitable helper. And that concept got me thinking: am I helping Jon in the way that God designed and intended me to do? Are you helping your husband in the same way?

Does your husband have a talent for something or a hobby he enjoys? Are you actively encouraging him to use his gifts or to pursue his interests? If not, you should be! This is an excellent way to serve him.

Yesterday, we talked about encouraging our husbands. Today’s assignment builds on that framework: support him in his interests.

We tend to think of women as the ones who need encouragement. Women often experience a wider range of emotions than men do, and so it makes sense that we might need a bit more lifting up when we’re feeling low. There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s how God created us!

But because women often need more encouragement than men, it’s easy to forget that men need to be cheered up and supported occasionally, too. Today’s assignment is to encourage your husband.

Those of you who enjoy organizing and tidying up are going to love today’s assignment! For the rest of us, it might feel like drudgery. Although I enjoy cleaning much more now than I did in the past, it’s never been my favorite thing.

In high school, my room was always a mess. But I figured that once I got to college, I’d keep my dorm room immaculate. When that didn’t happen, I assured myself that when I got married and had my own home, I’d keep it neat as a pin. After that plan failed, I lied to myself that the problem was with the house and not with me; the house was too cold, too old, too dirty, and too lacking in storage space. And while all of those things were true of my first home, the biggest problem was in my bathroom mirror. I just didn’t want to admit it.

Yesterday, we focused specifically on honoring our husbands in front of our kids. Our little ones are with us day in and day out, and they’re the ones most impacted by how we honor (or don’t) our spouses.

But it’s also vitally important to honor our husbands in front of others, too. We need to think about the way we treat our husbands in front of girlfriends, other couples, and even our inlaws. Are we speaking highly of him and encouraging others to think highly of him for the purpose of building up the Body of Christ? Or are we picking on him, always bringing up his faults, and muttering about our frustrations with him?

If your children knew nothing about Daddy other than what you say about him in front of them, what would their opinion of him be? Do you tell them about his hard work ethic? Do you point out the many ways in which he serves your family? Do you talk with them about fun little ways to show him how much you appreciate him?

Or do they overhear you telling a girlfriend all the ways you’re frustrated with him? Do you grumble about him under your breath? Do you nag him in front of them when he’s home?

Most of us probably do a bit of both. But today’s assignment is to honor him in front of your kids, a habit that will take time to develop.

Are you a good listener? I’m not. I hate admitting that, but there’s no denying that I’m often so lost in thought that I frequently have to ask others to repeat themselves. While I’m trying to grow in this area, I kind of feel like I’m not making much headway at times! This is definitely an area where I need help.

Learning to listen is a valuable skill. It shows that you’re interested in what others have to say. It’s a small way to show selflessness. And it can be a huge help in communicating well.

Whom do you have respect for in life? Is it a parent, a pastor, a friend? Do you respect your your country’s leader, your teacher, or even a fictional character? There may be several people in your life that you hold in high regard.

It’s good to have people we look up to, who inspire us, and whom we can imitate. But one of the most important people in our lives we should respect is our spouse. And depending on your current relationship with him, this might be an easy thing, or it may take some personal growth on your part.

Whether or not we find it easy to respect our husbands, I’m fairly certain that this is an area where we can all improve.

After yesterday’s tough challenge to focus on ourselves, today’s will come as a fun and welcome relief! And it’s very simple.

Eagerly and joyfully welcome him home!

What do your kids do when your husband pulls into the driveway after a long day at the office? If they’re anything like mine, they probably stand outside waiting for him, jump up and down when he arrives, and shower him with hugs, kisses, and squeals. They make quite the welcoming committee!

More pointed question: what do you do when your husband arrives after being gone all day? I’m usually putting the finishing touches on dinner or trying put away a few more items in a failed attempt to make the house look nicer. I’m not usually in the midst of the happy clamor that my little welcoming party makes.

“But I thought we were focusing on our husbands!” you may be thinking after reading today’s post title. Rest assured, we’re not focusing on ourselves in a selfish way!

Today’s assignment is to take a good, hard look at our own shortcomings instead of focusing on those of our husbands. This is not an easy task. It’s never fun to address the sin issues in our own lives when we could distract ourselves by trying to fix other people’s problems.

How often do you take time to inwardly reflect on yourself, taking stock of the areas where you yourself need to change or grow?

We’re all probably familiar with most of the Biblical passages on marriage. But when was the last time you sat down to deliberately read through them? Chances are good that it’s been a while - it certainly has for me.

As we seek to serve our husbands with this Wash His Feet challenge, let’s stop and spend time reviewing what God’s Word has to say about marriage and husband/wife roles. And just as important, let’s also consider the areas where we’re doing well and the areas where we could improve.

Yesterday, we talked about prioritizing our husbands. This isn’t always easy to accomplish, but today’s assignment is designed to help:

Create a haven for the two of you.

I’m not talking about an elaborate oasis filled with candles and luxury. But you do need a spot where the kids know not to interrupt you. For most couples, this will likely be your bedroom, but if you have little ones traipsing in and out or have toddlers who like to climb into bed with you, I’d suggest another spot like the couch or car where you can go if you need some kid-free space.